Relationship is based on the foundation of Communication and if you don’t know how to communicate, you probably don’t know how to hold a happy relationship.
Every relationship on this planet; for example, teacher-student, parent-child, husband-wife etc. is working because they are communicating. So, other than keeping things to yourself or other than being interfering you can tell as well as know so much about your partner.
You can strengthen your relationship by asking and answering these 9 Questions suggested by Dr. Susan Edelman.
Dr. Susan Edelman is a relationship therapist & dating expert and also an adjunct clinical associate professor at stanford university, who believes that communication is the key to a long and stable relationship.
The art of communicating in the right context.
1. What do you find hard to share with me?
When you genuinely want to know about things that your partner doesn’t feel like sharing with you, then you should prepare yourself first. There is always a reason of why they don’t share it in the first place, it could be the way you react or maybe things like that turn into a fight.
So, preparing yourself here means preparing to be calm and kind towards them. You have to provide them a comfortable room to share what you always wanted to hear. And, even if it is not right you should stay quiet and let them speak out because such matters can be sorted out after while.
2. What are the five things that you’re happiest for right now?
Even if couples have this tendency of knowing what their partner has been happy, excited or upset about because that is only how you plan surprises for your partners. But it is never a bad idea to indulge in a conversation which starts with, “What are the five things that you’re happiest for right now?” because you never know what may surprise you.
Also, this question focuses on positivity, laughter and notes (you might come to know about the latest thing they discovered on the internet which they want to own/buy). You can expect to answer the same question most definitely and you can tell them things that you haven’t really told them yet, something like chances of your promotion.
3. How do you see our relationship?
Most of the couples have this tendency of assuming things and the ones who don’t assume don’t really give importance in knowing, “How do you see our relationship?”.
Well, this means that you want to know what your partner has been recently feeling about the relationship, the changes if any. For example, you and your partner have been really busy the entire week due to work and now you don’t know how to talk about this issue.
So, you can simply begin with this question as this is going to give them the very pat on their back asking them to speak up. You might receive answers you didn’t expect or answers you always wanted to hear.
4. How’s your relationship with your family?
Believe it or not but however close you get with your spouse’s family there is going to be this void in between you and their family no matter what. This doesn’t mean anything in a bad sense but what it means is like they are not going to come up and share problems or miseries the way they would do with their son/daughter (your spouse) in the first place.
So, it is always important to be a part of your spouse’s family by asking them this very question. But of course, the tone with which you shoot this question matters because you want your partner to know that you’re interested in knowing if something is wrong.
Sometimes it may appear the exact opposite and situation might heat up. This one question is important for the couples who don’t visit their spouse’s family too often.
5. What achievement made you feel proud?
Other than asking your partner about their day during bed time, it is better to ask questions that is surely going to build more conversations. This applies sternly for couples who don’t find enough time to communicate or don’t really have a topic to talk about.
If your partner has been demeaning himself/herself quite lately then other than making up to them through motivational talks, you could begin with “What achievement made you feel proud?”. This is going to be fun because your partner will be forced to think of the situations and outcomes where they felt great about himself/herself.
It not only enlightens your mood with stories you had no idea about, but it equally motivates your partner.
6. What is your worst enemy?
No, don’t ask them who is their worst enemy because that is going to be very much negative. You can provide positive light in the room by asking, “What is your worst enemy?”.
Your partner will tell you about situations he never wants to be in, and you never know you might come to know about the reason of their self confidence lowering so much.
So, this question will help you to motivate and support your pattern relentlessly. But make sure you don’t do this every now and then, these are meant for once in a while kind of a thing.
7. What would you change about yourself?
This question is clearly not about the way you want you want to change a thing or a two in your partner. Instead this question has to do about your partner changing traits and things about him/her if given an opportunity.
By doing this you will closely understand of what your partner likes about themselves and what they hate. Just in case a trait or thing which you both wanted to change match, then you can help your partner with the same instead of creating an issue out of it.
Also, partners who have this lack of confidence about their traits or habits can find motivation from the other partner who absolutely loves them just the way they are.
8. What was the last thing you cried about?
This question is indeed very important because most of the times the ones we love don’t share their grief with us, especially when we are the reason behind that grief.
So, use this question to know about the things that you probably don’t know because a person cries only when he/she has been deeply hurt.
It will help you know, what you should say and what you shouldn’t because now you will realise how bad it hurts. This builds the level of understanding between the couples.
9. What does your perfect day look like?
Just in case, you have been very busy at work for the entire week that you eventually forgot to do your weekend special then you surely have to make up for it. Asking this question is not going to directly make things up but it is going to provide you with the very idea of how to make things up.
We feel we understand our partner too well but that isn’t true. You might come to know what your partner expects from a day and what should be your role in it. Likewise, you can try bringing it to reality every time you are free from work or have the time to.
It is not days that are bad, it is our mood and different reactions we use to define it. So, next time when you feel you are not having a good time with your partner the way you used to then, ask them questions.
Questions that are going to build a foundation (the understanding and making up to you) between the two of you making your relationship stronger. Good luck!