What is it that a relationship should provide to the people who are in it?
It is supposed to provide security, sense of belonging and happiness. If you are constantly trying to kill that inner voice that says you are in a dead relationship, then it is time you wake up from your daydreams and move on.
Looking back at your relationship, you should be able to find signs that point out that you too are in a healthy and happy relationship. Don’t get me wrong guys, I am no expert in relationships but after spending a decade (which feels like a century) in a relationship there are certain things I can tell you.
There is absolutely no hard and fast rule that you and your partner need to like the same cuisine, hobbies, people or activities. But, there are a few things that show whether it is a happy relationship or a dead one. You don’t need a picture-perfect relationship but you sure as hell need a happy, satisfying and fulfilling one.
You have to find a middle ground and you will see how happiness walks in through your front door and settles in with you and your partner.
1. Egos aren’t big enough.
When you are in a relationship, you are bound to fight. This is an inevitable fact about relationships. But, do you or your partner say sorry after the fight is over? This is what shows he or she is a keeper.
Everyone loses their calm and composure but the one who has the ability to understand the mistake that they have committed is a real hero.
Saying sorry is just a small gesture that shows your significant other is still in love with you. And, if you are the one at fault then the same rules apply for you.
2. You both trust each other.
For any relationship to thrive, it has to pass the basic tests. What do I mean by that? Do you trust your partner? And, does your partner trust you? No matter what you are going through, do you share it with your partner? That is what strong, healthy and happy relationships are about.
Sharing is the main core of it. When you start sharing your relationship grows. This also builds the trust you need. Checking each other’s phone for e-mails, messages, call logs or asking unnecessary questions is the sign of doubt and lack of trust.
If you find your partner asking you questions like this all the time or it is you doing it then your relationship is headed in the wrong direction.
3. There are no secrets.
A healthy and happy relationship is formed when there are absolutely no secrets between the two. There is no place for secrecy or shocks in a loving and caring relationship. If you find the need to constantly hide things from your better half, then it is really not a good sign.
Think about that day when your partner finds out about the lies, secrets or facts that you have hidden from him or her all along? There should be no room for such secrets. Your partner should be your friend, someone you can openly share everything with.
4. You respect your partner.
To love someone is an easy job but to respect them is really tough. You need to find it in you to respect your partner’s choices, decisions, goals and aims in life. No matter what you think about it.
Showing respect is a sign of healthy and happy relationship. If you disapprove something that they are doing, then be gentle and thoughtful in your approach. Humiliating one another is the worst thing you can do to one another.
5. Being you is not a problem.
More than often I hear people say, she has changed me so much or marriage changes people. But, have you ever asked is it healthy? Are they in a happy relationship? To me they are not. Your relationship shouldn’t change you. Your partner shouldn’t change you. In fact nothing in the world should change you.
Your partner fell in love with you for the person you are. If you can be your sarcastic, quirky, funny, or your old self in a relationship. Then, it is a sign that you are in a happy and great relationship. Be you and let your partner be the way they want to be. Changing them or modifying them according to your needs is a bad thing to do.
6. They push you forward.
Of course, you are solely responsible for your success, happiness, failures and sorrows. But, your partner should always be there to support you. No matter what you are dealing with. It is your partner who will help boost your morale when you fall. They are the ones who will pop open the champagne at your success.
After a long hard day, you should be able to pour out your heart to your partner and vice versa. They can help you deal with the world as it comes charging your way. If this happens in your relationship, then you are definitely in a happy and healthy relationship.
7. Spending quality time together.
When was the last time you both spent some quality time together? Can’t remember? That is the sad part of a long-term relationship. You can’t let that spark die. Don’t you miss those initial days when you both went out together, explored new places, spent hours talking, watched new movies? Then why can’t you do it now? In fact why don’t you?
Couples should spend time together. If you guys spend time together no matter how busy your life is, then remember you are both in a happy and healthy relationship.
8. Everything isn’t about you.
Remember you might be important to your partner but you are not everything. Yes, if you think that his or her life can have problems beyond your existence then you are right.
If your partner understands your problems that isn’t about them, then you are in a healthy and happy relationship. But, if they can’t think beyond their narcissistic self then it is an unhealthy relationship that you are a part of.
9. Understanding each other’s likes.
Not just a word but something that carries the weight of healthy relationships. If you can speak your mind and tell your partner, you understand me then know that it is a happy relationship. Has your partner ever told you that you understand him or her?
Partners should figure out each other’s mood swings, likes, dislikes, comfort zone, push buttons and so on. If after spending years with your partner they don’t understand your sly signals in a room full of people, then it is time you evaluate the relationship you are in.
10. Your own space in your life.
Your partner can go shopping with her BFFs, you can go out and watch the match in the pub with your buds and such other things. Do you see where I am going? No? Do you give your partner the space they need and does your partner give you the space you crave?
Living together or being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you have to spend every hour of every day together. If you can let your partner do the things they like, and they let you do the things you like without any kind of fights then you are in a healthy and very happy relationship.
11. You get freedom that you want.
After a point of time your partner shouldn’t feel they are trapped and the same applies for you. You should have the freedom you want to do the things you want. There shouldn’t be any shackles or limitations that you should put on each other.
Staying out with friends, taking a vacation, dressing up, choice of job, and so many other things. If your partner gives you the freedom you need, and you offer your partner the same then this is a sign. A sign that the relationship is both healthy and happy.
12. The little joys in life.
A couple that spends time together doing the little things is in a happy and healthy relationship. From grocery shopping to doing the dishes, cooking together to washing clothes. Everything is including in this.
If you and your partner do all of this together then, congratulations you have made it as a happy duo. Make sure you continue doing it.
13. Mature enough to handle sex.
It is really important to be in a relationship where you both have physical intimacy. The second you turn the other way and sleep, happiness starts to slide away. If a couple is having sexual intercourse on a daily basis or at least thrice a week then know that you are good.
Even kisses, hugs, and cuddling every now and then is necessary. This is a sign of love. Does your partner still hug you from behind and leave kisses all over your neck?
14. Their flaws are welcome to you.
Every human has their shortcomings and your partner has them too. If you can openly show your flaws to them and they can do the same in front of you then it is a good relationship that you too have going on. There are no worries, no insecurities and absolutely nothing to hide.
15. In sickness and in health.
You are not immune to diseases and neither is your partner. If you two take care of each other during sickness, then trust me it is the kind of relationship that you want to be in.
Looking after one another is the best way to show how much you love and care about a person. If you are beside your partner when they are sick, and your partner is by your side when you need them, then it is headed in the right path.
16. Mistakes can be forgiven.
Everyone makes mistakes. You do it, I do it, in short, every single human does it. If there is something that your partner has done in his or her crazy self and they show the courage to tell you that, then find it in you to forgive them.
This applies for your partner as well. There can’t ever be a relationship where one doesn’t mess up every now and then. Holding a grudge against petty things and bringing it up every time you fight isn’t a good sign. It definitely isn’t a sign of healthy and a happy relationship.
17. You look at your partner’s family.
Not only do they show love and respect towards you, but they extend the same behavior towards your family. They never back out of family gatherings, dinners, picnics or anything at all.
If you see your beloved spending quality time with your family member, mark my words he or she is a keeper. Do you do the same for your partner’s family? Then the relationship is on the right track.
18. Comfortable around each other.
Your partner and you can do your own thing and still you guys feel comfortable around each other. Being in the same room as they are gives you a sense of belonging and comfort. If this holds true for both of you then voila you have a happy relationship.
19. Jealousy is a far-fetched notion.
Asking questions about your partner’s life shows you are interested. But, if your partner acts strange and jealous every time you go out or it is you who does that then your relationship is in trouble.
Curiosity about their life is cool but jealousy can destroy a relationship. Never allow it to come between the two of you.
20. Taking interest in each other.
Your partner might like something you don’t and vice versa. But, to show that you are interested in making them feel good is a great start. Spending time in doing what your partner likes is a good way to make your relationship last. If that is the case, then you are in a healthy and happy relationship.
Relationships are supposed to be packed with compassion, love, affection and stability. If there is too much of jealousy, doubts, insecurities in your relationship then it is time to stop and take a hard look at the way things are going.
You don’t want a crazy relationship but something that makes you wanna go home at the end of the day. A relationship that doesn’t need drama, fake promises or constant excitement to make it last. If you are in one then hold on tight to it, for it is the ultimate relationship of your life. Good luck!